Kathryn Morton

I’m on top of a mountain!

But it wasn’t that long ago that I was down in the what seemed to be endless valleys. I began to notice the pattern of long valleys and short mountains probably about three or four years ago, which was also the time my faith was really beginning to grow into being God-centered. In the beginning, I kept praying for help to get through the valleys so I could be on top of the mountain again. Now, when I find myself on a mountain, I often don’t know how to handle it.

Lately I’ve found myself saying things to friends like “I just don’t deserve to be up here”, “This is too good to be true”, and “I don’t ever want this feeling to end”. And then my brilliant friends remind me life isn’t about what we earn. Life and everything in it is a gift from God. Grace.

Holy cow are they right!

Specifically speaking, in the past, when it came to relationships, lets just say… I had a lot to learn and needed to grow up (this is probably still true by the way!). When I look back at the friendships and relationships I’ve formed, I’ve been pretty selfish, and demanding. That’s because I had the focus on the wrong place. I was trying to please myself and make others happy instead of putting the focus where it should always be: God first.

Naturally, this landed me in a lot of self-induced valleys. Learning to put my faith back in God piece by piece. My last relationship ended over 2 1/2 years ago, when I was 22 and fresh out of college. It was a very hard break up, especially because I had so much care and desire to see this guy reach his potential. I loved his family, his faith, and spending time with him. For a while, I wanted nothing to do with any other guy that wasn’t this guy. I constantly thought about him, dreamed about him, and prayed for him. Eventually I started making new friends, and finding guys attractive again, but it still just didn’t feel quite right. Looking back, I’d say I was trying to fill that void of having a special someone by plugging someone else who could do the job into that hole.

Then, something happened. I started to grow. I started to be able to do things and travel places on my own, and enjoy it! I started sharing those moments with God. A lot of this had to do with a book I was reading about building a one-on-one relationship with God. It sounds totally cliche, but it worked for me. I kept reading other peoples books, and even read a version of the Love Languages book for singles, learning how I receive (and give) love, and understand the love languages of people who are close to me including my parents, brother, and boys I was watching at the time.

I started to understand why my past relationships had failed.

I started to understand why I wasn’t ready to be committed to one person.

And then, I started to enjoy being exactly who I was at that time. I have a great family, amazing friends, and hopefully a pretty good career path ahead of me, so why was I focusing on one aspect of my life so intently?

And just like that, it stopped. I stopped focusing on past relationships, and desiring to be in new ones, and I learned to live in the moment, in a valley, and be happy.

Now, I am on top of a mountain, and it scares the crapola out of me! And just like that, my fears and questions were answered in my daily devotional last night by Oswald Chambers. I was afraid learning can only take place in valleys, so if I’m on a mountain does that mean I’m not learning? If I’m not learning am I going to get thrown back down into the valley? How long am I up here for? Can I please just go back to the valley cuz then I know the road is upwards, etc.

Here’s what O. Chambers has to say:

“We are not built for the mountains and the dawns and aesthetic affinities, those are for moments of inspiration, that is all. We are built for the valley, for the ordinary stuff we are in, and that is where we have to prove our mettle… The times of exaltation are exceptional, they have their meaning in our life with God. The mount is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something. The moments on the mountain tops are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose”.

So I will shut my mouth and enjoy every moment of God’s purpose.